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Wednesday, October 31, 2012

NEVER- and that means- lay BLAME on other people.!



NEVER- and that means- lay BLAME on other people.

Did you ever notice yourself talking to a friend while she pours her hearts out and you just sit there pretending you are listening to her when actually you are already few steps away from her thinking of something similar that happened to you, instead of listening and just to be a shoulder to lean on? We try to find lessons from their tragedy to help our own lives so much that we stop feeling our friend's pain altogether. Then you just realized that the girl is in the hospital due to a  drug overdose and you are left puzzled why she did it?  We either blame her or the other person of what had happened but will never blame ourselves.

Problem is that sometimes we enjoy blaming others when things doesn't go on our way. Or sometimes we just get angry on little things just to belittle someone or for them to think you are the superior and you know better. When someone does something bad to me, I have the ability to use it to help me grow. The truth is that there will always be someone to blame and sometimes we may even be right in thinking it is their fault. But do you want to be right? Or do you want to be happy? Oh well, just don't expect me to be like you or them because I am comfortable with my own skin. 

I have been really down lately and I'm always like this when I couldn't figure what made some people around me unhappy. I'm not talking about my old friends for they are there for me even when I'm bitchy, haven't brushed my hair or even when I do not have my make up on. I'm talking about acquaintances, people you just met through others. People you can't call friends yet. I know I can be really stubborn to the extent of getting the impression of Mayabang-Maarte-Suplada etc. but I already know these whole thing, It's not new to me anymore.

When I am a friend to someone, I always forget to put boundaries for myself. I become transparent. If they would ask for help, I'm there and will try my best not to fail, will even get sources if i can't do it myself or throw some quick ideas I think relevant to our conversation without even thinking if I'm going to get paid. Dude, I can even work for free!  What you see, what you hear is who I am. For others I just met, I put a wall between us, unsure of my every moves trying not to make mistakes but obviously will continue to be myself.  But that doesn't mean I'm pretentious for I do not recall introducing myself to be someone I am not. I only answer what's being asked but I will never open a topic just to have something to talk about and will certainly not talk about who I am. Matter of fact, I talk more about people I work with and what they do, after all, it's part of promotions, right? Unless of course you heard it this way: it's my company and this is what I can do... Well, in that case you have every right to call me mayabang because I do not own anything for now--- but I can travel for free, get paid, dine for free because of my "laway." 

In the Philippines, no one will judge you why speak English when you can speak Tagalog anyway? I have met many Filipinos abroad, no one are really that close minded to the extent of getting others attention to tell me: "mag Tagalog ka nga!" I remember an incident in Israel when one of the diplomats called me up and was told to use Tagalog because my readers are Filipinos and the magazine are for Filipinos. I didn't listen. Not because I am all yabang. It was my choice, it was after all my magazine to begin with. My life, I decide! 

Sometimes I think being yourself is not enough. But hey! Don't change just because you need to please others! In this world where we live in, we make our own life, we make our own gold, we decide who stays and who goes. Being tough and making other feel less about themselves is something we shouldn't do. There's a right  place and person for this matter. You shouldn't and I repeat shouldn't insult a friend.

It's All Souls Day and remembering those who have left us in this world and trying to think of the time when we were with them. Was it good or bad? If today were your last day on earth, what legacy would you leave behind? What would you be remembered for? In every area of your life, did you accomplish what you came here to accomplish? Will your family and friends speak highly of you or will they have ill feelings every time they will remember you?

Is this the movie you want to be living? If not, it’s time to change it – and there’s no day like today to do just that. If we’re all waiting to achieve something in order to be happy, we’re constantly relying on an outside source for our fulfillment. While brief bouts of happiness may come from physical things, lasting fulfillment doesn’t come from anywhere but within.

One of the greatest tricks of the negative side is getting us to put off until tomorrow what we know in our hearts we could easily do today. I have been wanting to write for years now but couldn't find the initiative to do so.

We think we have all the time in the world, but the truth is: We have no time to waste in this life. None of us knows when our time is up or when it will be too late to have said what we needed to say, change what we needed to change, accomplish all we were meant to accomplish. 

It’s time to start seeing our challenges for the truth of what they really are.

I pray to God to please give me a forgiving heart and forgive those who have hurt me and spoke badly behind my back. For hurting them in a way I didn't know. I just wish one day we all realize that we have our own life to live. Sometimes your opinion towards others doesn't matter most especially to a girl like me for I live my life according to my likeness. I won't change because others said so. I rather find my own mistakes and change gradually.

I am only human, born to make mistakes. 

Monday, March 26, 2012

The moment I stopped saying it, I stopped doing it I have stopped ¨feeling¨ it.


LOVE came when I do not like to say what I feel or express them. I used to ignore a person as if they do not exist. I barely compliment them or do not even bother others knowing what I truly feel. I am just getting tired of the ¨limits¨... I do not like it, honestly.

I really don’t care about what others think of me or the things that I do or say. I am not getting naked in the street, not being loud to get attention or screaming with others or be bad. I do what I feel is right and I do not see or feel that what I am doing it wrong.

Since when others are allowed to interfere with what I believe in? Since when they are welcome in my life without me feeling if they deserve it? I eat what I eat and they eat what they eat. I am doing things I believe is right. I do not meddle with others business, I am suppose to expect same thing from them. I am me, I won´t change for the people around me anymore because I have to please them. I am sick and tired pleasing others.

I remember my ex telling me to stop saying ¨I love you¨ or be malambing because he said he already knew that I love him.
I swear that when I started to feel ¨hurt¨ because I couldn´t or I was prevented to do or say things that I feel, I started teaching myself to fall out of love too. There were times that I really prayed hard, crying... and wished that I won´t love him anymore so it wouldn´t hurt me.

True enough…
The moment I stopped saying it, I stopped doing it I have stopped ¨feeling¨ it.

We are all entitled to our own opinion. But if you are pissed of with me because of what others told you of their experiences with me, that doesn´t mean it can happen to you. For you to know me, you have to live with me under my roof and see the kind of life I have before you can judge me or anyone. Most of my ex´s lived with me in my home, worked with me, ate what I ate and most of them did exactly what I wanted because they know what will make me happy. I never live in anyone´s home except to my current GF and no one has the right to judge her or her intentions with me, vise versa.
One thing is for sure, if I truly am a bad person towards others, then let them realize that I am that person and shouldn´t be trusted. You are in no position to tell them how they should handle their lives and with whom they should be friends with.
Tame your mouth, you don´t know me! Out of my 36 years here on earth, I have learned to bow to the extent of being tanga just to please people like you. But never again! I was taught to behave, to be kind to everyone for kindness begins with me! It will take certain limit to get me angry.
None of my ex´ have forgotten me…you wanna know why?
Because I love unconditionally! The only reason why it didn´t work out was because of…
Infidelity!
Sometimes we feel so comfortable having someone love us. To the extent of thinking that whatever we do, there´s always a room for forgiveness. That your lover will always love you no matter what.  As a guarantee and what I always believe in, I was never the reason why we separated. - So now, you can you see why they still wanna keep me as a part of their lives, whether for friendship or more.
One more thing and I really want you to know--- if I was Cruela De Vil of their lives, then they should have thought about killing my name as if I never existed! And again, if I was bad--- they wouldn´t ask me back! –fin.
Enjoying every bit of my life! Happy 36th Birthday to ME!