Sucks!

It’s been almost 2 months since I was offloaded from my flight and I don’t see my documents coming! I really wonder how our embassies worldwide are handling this POEA thing and if they are coordinating with POEA here in the Philippines.

All I need is to have my job contract authenticated from the Philippine embassy of my country of destination. The company lawyer was in the embassy 3 times and spent almost an hour on each visits getting information on what to do in order to speed up my coming there. With all the things listed on A-Z what seems to be the problem now?

Waiting for POEA to release my clearance is not fair for they aren’t the one who provided that job and won’t be the one providing for my family’s needs. I got my visa, I got my ticket and my job contract ages ago. And for them to prolong everything is really nonsense. I was just lucky enough that I didn’t spend a penny acquiring all these and that my resume is already a good basis that I will do my job well. I was sure that direct hire has an express way of getting clearances. But worst to my thought, it’s a lot harder! You should have just gone to an agency and pay hundred of thousands of pesos on their fees and other fees God knows what you are paying and where is it going.

What will happen to an OFW like me who is also the bread winner of their family and wouldn’t be allowed to leave because he might need a clearance too? What will happen if he just took a loan to get a job abroad? Do you think it’s fair for him and his family to suffer two months without an income or not paying their debts? What will happen to his family in case he used their home as collateral? Will our government pay all those damages? I doubt it! I certainly doubt it.

It took me 2 years to convince my son that I have to leave him here in order to provide for his needs. I just hope that my company will wait for me and that my job is still open anytime. My greatest fear is for them to tell me that my work is no longer available and that my presence is no longer needed. Crossing my fingers and hoping for the best.

I don’t understand Philippines and I certainly don’t understand our system. I have a family to support and a draining bank account.

My government… needs major changes! Sucks, but true! And I won’t be one of those Filipinos waiting for that miracle to happen.

In a Relationship, Open Relationship, Complicated to Single…

“Guilt is the most powerful & destructive weapon in any relationship. And we must steel ourselves against being manipulated by it. Guilt paralyzes you and shuts you down!”

Love is a terrible emotion. It opens you up to more pain and suffering then any mortal wound could ever inflict. I have loved again and now I am not sure what I am to be. Staying in love with you is the only and the number one reason why I hang around and why I am still fighting and holding on to what I believe in. It is not easy to raise a child by yourself and not having anybody to turn to in times of need.

I have watched you from a distance, wishing that what I have found out are not real. I battled with my heart on to what my mind is saying. I have watched you slipping away from me slowly for months. I knew where it is heading but I gave you the benefit of a doubt hoping you’ll listen to your heart. What’s painful is that I knew she’s someone you wanted to have long ago. Someone I have replaced in your heart in a wink of an eye and I didn’t guard myself that soon, you’ll find her and that love you once had for her would blossom once more. I hate the fact that you kept in touch with her even thou you have me. I hate the fact that I have ignored you flirting with her despite of the fact that I knew you wanted her…and wanted her badly.

The past few months have been horrific and the only way to clean my thoughts is to remove myself from the obstructions of stupidity, selfishness and conventional thought. Who understands the impossibility of knowing the ultimate? In a state of confusion is where I really belong, I see things a lot clearer and in the surrealistic world of color and shape I am able to create perfection in an otherwise senseless world.

Philosophy is the individual thought of the 'one', who is interpreted by the thoughts of the 'many'. Religion is the belief that these thoughts are real.  Incredible how fast things can change, incredible how lonely you can feel even when someone is in the same room. What I was praying would get better has just come around to tear me apart. Small wonder I don't pray all that much. What is meant to be real is to be true to yourself and there is little or nothing any of us can ever do about it.
 
The holiday helped me a lot to think of what's best for me and Kier Dan. I know for a fact that I can't go on with my life like this; running away from my problems is not helping me solve them. I have to face my ghost and that is to accept that I can't have everything that I want. In as much as I would love and how hard I am trying to hold on with my feelings for you, I couldn’t bare it any longer. One thing is for sure though, I know I am in your thoughts.

Wishing you both an awesome Valentine’s Day same goes with everyone who reads this!

A Loving bond between A mother and Her precious Son...