My 2011 and at 35…

I know that new opportunities will arise for me this year, resulting in a positive turn for my career. I know that I will learn to master my energy to meet my goals. I know that I am good at taking leadership, and make it deep, transforming changes and tap into this abundant energy in a new and dynamic ways. Even though I may feel pulled to accomplish great things, I will still be able to keep balance in my personal life and my energy alive and renewed.

Amidst this change, I will be able to remain mentally focused. I may become more methodical and practical than usual in managing my responsibilities. Stopping to think things through carefully will impact me and my surroundings in a very profound and positive way. I seized the opportunity to think things through during the past few months. Even though I enjoy beginning new projects, I still make sometime to relax a bit to complement my natural tendency towards activity, both physically & mentally.

As I successfully achieve my goals this year, it is important to maintain a watchful eye over the security of my family. I may find myself doing abrupt changes in my life and still take pleasure in spending more time and energy enjoying the creature comforts I have created. I will cultivate good relationships through the end of the year with my business associates and real friends whom I know for sure will reflect positive changes in my life. I have a will to enjoy socializing more than usual. I will be networking and connecting with different types of people from all over the world and it gives me the feeling like a breath of fresh air. As my career takes off, it will be much easier than usual to express myself with warmth and charm.

Because of major shifts in my long term plans of career, luck and good fortune will definitely smile upon me in this area of my life and I will be rewarded for all my hard work. For I know that new avenues of expression and opportunities will open up and I will definitely feel support, inner strength and courage from those people who still believes in me.

The time has come for a fresh start, I formulated plans to get back on track and make the necessary decisions. I know that I will experience deep philosophical changes around work and career that cause me to reevaluate my present situation and motivate myself to make choices on the best path to follow. I will find support to be able to communicate with clarity and purpose in defining myself worth and my needs.

I possess an active and dynamic will, and I hope this year especially will bring me an abundant amount of energy to support my contemplating beginning new projects. I am very capable in accomplishing what I set out to do and I can see the stars shines brightly to support any changes I decide to make. My success will carve out a beautiful path of recognition and a positive reputation. Staying on target with my goals should be easy and I will effortlessly climb up to the top of my goals to achieve great success. I will learn new ways to express my strong determination to succeed and that’s what I intend to keep…

I am for myself alone and I do write as I please for I feel what I think & think what I feel.

An Option

My son is now 7 years old and never actually experience having a father or a father-figure in the house. I sometimes wonder how it is like to have his dad with us. Sharing same things together and joining activities in school such us Family Day.

My son is requesting for a baby sister or a brother. He said he’s gonna be kuya (big brother) and would take good care of the baby. I asked him how will I do that? He said, “Get a new honey like my dad!” I told him that if I’ll do it, then he won’t be sharing the same bed with me. Then he said, “That’s impossible!” As if he knows what it meant!

After leaving my son’s dad, I never really looked at the guy the way every woman should. I started to despise them. Don’t get me wrong tho… I don’t hate man that much, matter of fact, I can be really friendly. But every time a guy reveals their feelings for me, I don’t know but there’s this thing inside me that is automatically reacting… blocking them and when it happens, I change my reactions towards them and I am often times rude as in very, very rude.

Getting a man to fall in love with me is not hard but having myself fall for a guy is tougher. I always see small things or I am probably looking for ways that will make me stop seeing them. Finding faults is easy, appreciating is grueling! I don’t know. But shit happens or I just am not really into it, I guess. I don’t want the guy to control me. I don’t want to be his shadow. I don’t want to depend on guys and I certainly don’t want the guy to depend on me.

Well, I fell for guys several times in the past, I can’t say never again but who knows? It may not be bad after all…  “Commitment is the component of love”. I don’t know if I can commit nor fall in love.

But…

Giving the benefit of a doubt, I came up with the conclusion to give myself a chance to meet guys again. Perhaps even go beyond my wildest dream. Get to know them again. Maybe it’s time to meet them half way. Maybe this stubborn heart will fall in love again. I don’t know how I will teach my heart to do that but I am sure that I have to change my mind first before I’ll have a change of heart. 

“Dating guys again is just an option but it does not guarantee anything. Girls still have the biggest advantage in my life!”

Sucks!

It’s been almost 2 months since I was offloaded from my flight and I don’t see my documents coming! I really wonder how our embassies worldwide are handling this POEA thing and if they are coordinating with POEA here in the Philippines.

All I need is to have my job contract authenticated from the Philippine embassy of my country of destination. The company lawyer was in the embassy 3 times and spent almost an hour on each visits getting information on what to do in order to speed up my coming there. With all the things listed on A-Z what seems to be the problem now?

Waiting for POEA to release my clearance is not fair for they aren’t the one who provided that job and won’t be the one providing for my family’s needs. I got my visa, I got my ticket and my job contract ages ago. And for them to prolong everything is really nonsense. I was just lucky enough that I didn’t spend a penny acquiring all these and that my resume is already a good basis that I will do my job well. I was sure that direct hire has an express way of getting clearances. But worst to my thought, it’s a lot harder! You should have just gone to an agency and pay hundred of thousands of pesos on their fees and other fees God knows what you are paying and where is it going.

What will happen to an OFW like me who is also the bread winner of their family and wouldn’t be allowed to leave because he might need a clearance too? What will happen if he just took a loan to get a job abroad? Do you think it’s fair for him and his family to suffer two months without an income or not paying their debts? What will happen to his family in case he used their home as collateral? Will our government pay all those damages? I doubt it! I certainly doubt it.

It took me 2 years to convince my son that I have to leave him here in order to provide for his needs. I just hope that my company will wait for me and that my job is still open anytime. My greatest fear is for them to tell me that my work is no longer available and that my presence is no longer needed. Crossing my fingers and hoping for the best.

I don’t understand Philippines and I certainly don’t understand our system. I have a family to support and a draining bank account.

My government… needs major changes! Sucks, but true! And I won’t be one of those Filipinos waiting for that miracle to happen.

In a Relationship, Open Relationship, Complicated to Single…

“Guilt is the most powerful & destructive weapon in any relationship. And we must steel ourselves against being manipulated by it. Guilt paralyzes you and shuts you down!”

Love is a terrible emotion. It opens you up to more pain and suffering then any mortal wound could ever inflict. I have loved again and now I am not sure what I am to be. Staying in love with you is the only and the number one reason why I hang around and why I am still fighting and holding on to what I believe in. It is not easy to raise a child by yourself and not having anybody to turn to in times of need.

I have watched you from a distance, wishing that what I have found out are not real. I battled with my heart on to what my mind is saying. I have watched you slipping away from me slowly for months. I knew where it is heading but I gave you the benefit of a doubt hoping you’ll listen to your heart. What’s painful is that I knew she’s someone you wanted to have long ago. Someone I have replaced in your heart in a wink of an eye and I didn’t guard myself that soon, you’ll find her and that love you once had for her would blossom once more. I hate the fact that you kept in touch with her even thou you have me. I hate the fact that I have ignored you flirting with her despite of the fact that I knew you wanted her…and wanted her badly.

The past few months have been horrific and the only way to clean my thoughts is to remove myself from the obstructions of stupidity, selfishness and conventional thought. Who understands the impossibility of knowing the ultimate? In a state of confusion is where I really belong, I see things a lot clearer and in the surrealistic world of color and shape I am able to create perfection in an otherwise senseless world.

Philosophy is the individual thought of the 'one', who is interpreted by the thoughts of the 'many'. Religion is the belief that these thoughts are real.  Incredible how fast things can change, incredible how lonely you can feel even when someone is in the same room. What I was praying would get better has just come around to tear me apart. Small wonder I don't pray all that much. What is meant to be real is to be true to yourself and there is little or nothing any of us can ever do about it.
 
The holiday helped me a lot to think of what's best for me and Kier Dan. I know for a fact that I can't go on with my life like this; running away from my problems is not helping me solve them. I have to face my ghost and that is to accept that I can't have everything that I want. In as much as I would love and how hard I am trying to hold on with my feelings for you, I couldn’t bare it any longer. One thing is for sure though, I know I am in your thoughts.

Wishing you both an awesome Valentine’s Day same goes with everyone who reads this!

A Loving bond between A mother and Her precious Son...

How to get Philippine Travel Tax Refund.

Now guys, listen up, this is not going to be easy. If you paid your tax at the airport in 1 minute, you’ll have a hard time getting a refund. What you should do is bring the original & photo copies of the following documents I’ll be enumerating below to PTA MAIN OFFICE Kalaw St. Ermita, Manila during office hours. Ones there, you must get a number and wait for your number to be called. Have these documents ready with you or you will be most likely be requested to come back again.

For offloaded passengers/subject for POEA/Exemption

Original Passport

Original OR and ATAP

Original OEC from POEA

Original or authenticated copy of ticket (offloaded)

Original or authenticated copy of ticket (rebooking)

Other required documents: (probably not needed for offloaded passengers or exempted for taxes)

Original Permanent Card

Xerox copy of ID page of passport and latest arrival and departure stamp in RP

Certified True Copy of Approval copy of Travel Authority and Invitation

Original Marriage Contract & Birth Certificate

Travel Tax application form 353 duly accomplished and sign by authorize signatory of airline

Certified True Copy of Refund Voucher/ Agency Credit Memo/Refund Notice

Certification that the ticket was totally unused and surrendered for cancellation (if ticket was issued abroad return back to sponsor.

NOTE: Claims for refund made after 2 years from the date of payment shall not be allowed.